Faith tugs on Fear's hand.
"Come on, Fear! It will be glorious!"
"But what about--"
"Is it bigger than God?"
"No, but--"
"Then we don't need to worry about it!"
"Of course, there's the problem of--"
"Is it outside of God's control?"
"No, but--"
"Is the world going to end if you come with me?"
"Only the world as I know it. What if--"
Following Jesus is an every day, every moment struggle between fear and faith. We are new creations in old bodies, full of the knowledge of God's intimate love and ever more able to see our sin. We are like the man in Mark 9 who cries out "I do believe; help my unbelief!"
By faith, I bought a plane ticket when I still needed 20% of my funds and my visa in process. I had good information that a very large financial gift was in the works and that my visa would be due the last week of September or the first week of October, so my ticket was for October 10. With only two weeks until that date, it was a scary step. I was afraid that I had once again leapt without looking. I tottered between fearing that I messed up and would have to change my ticket and faith that God would provide all I needed in time.
God provided the remainder of my financial needs for my first term in Bulgaria in one day! And, his generosity continued to me through many friends who continue to give. My faith grew; my joy in God's provision was clear. Then I called the Bulgarian consulate.
"It is not the season. We will call you when we have your visa. You can try calling next week."
I freaked out. What did that mean? Did I have to get a license to go visa hunting?! I thought they said I'd have it the last week of September or the first week of October. Where was God? Didn't He want me to leave on October 10th? Why wasn't He providing it for me?
The fight for faith is hard. But with God, all things are possible. I believe that He will provide my visa in time for me to leave. Even if He doesn't provide it by the 10th, He will provide it eventually. He is not rejecting me, and He is sending me to Bulgaria, so it will happen. So I fight fear with prayer and see God coming near to me to give me what I need. His grace is fully sufficient.