Step 1: Locate a turkey big enough to feed 16 adults and 3 kids.
Step 2: Purchase the 13.5lb frozen turkey and carry it home in your backpack.
Step 3: Allow turkey to thaw in the bath tub.
Step 4: Make brine. I got my recipe for this Apple Cider Brine from the black hole known as Pintrest.
Step 5: Make sure turkey is no longer frozen. Place turkey in a trash bag (or a baking bag, if you have access to that...) and add cooled brine. Remove as much air as possible and tie off the trash bag. Place the whole thing in a plastic tub. Realize that it's kinda overflowing and rejoice that your landlords have the same tub one size bigger. Keep in fridge for 24 hours.
Step 6: Thanksgiving morning remove turkey from brine and rinse thoroughly. Place in another trash bag and then another plastic bag, and then back in your backpack.
Step 7: Catch public transportation to the Thanksgiving Day celebration location. NOTE: it is advised to be on time so as to not miss the bus and then the metro. Although missing them does make for a good pre-meal workout.
Step 8: Rinse off the turkey again and pat dry inside and out. Coat with olive oil, rosemary and sage. Add two apples cut in half to the cavity.
Step 9: Bake on a very high heat (250 Celsius) for 20-30 min. Turn the oven down to a lower temp (around 180 Celsius) and bake for the rest of the suggested time. The turkey should be 71* C (160* F) in the thigh. Or, you know, 200 something F...
Step 10: Allow turkey to rest for 30-45 minutes.
Step 11: Remove broth and work as a team with two other women to create the gravy (flour and milk in a bowl, whisked to the right consistency, then added to the drippings while stirring constantly--kind of like making eggnog-- until the flower/milk mixture is mostly incorporated. Strain before serving).
Step 12: Carve the turkey. (My favorite part!) Put the slices, wings, thighs, and legs on serving platters and cover with foil immediately to keep them warm until the meal.
Step 13: Enjoy!
Even with the mistakes (internal temp was WAY too high after 2.5 hours of baking), this was the yummiest turkey I have ever eaten.
Tip: Put the remaining bones, skin, and other bits from the Turkey in a pot with lots of water and simmer for a while. Strain and then freeze broth to add to soups throughout the winter.